just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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