sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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