I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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