And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
