operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize