i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
