Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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