I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
