I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
