This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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