you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize