So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
