ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
