A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
