I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
