i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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