dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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