distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
