yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
