Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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