i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize