i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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