If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
