ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize