3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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