My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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