I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
