Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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