When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
