He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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