Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
