Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Life is so much better after having sex.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
