thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize