You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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