theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
worst night to have a conscience
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
