Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
