Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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