Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
