Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
please don't ironically join a cult
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