dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
