omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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