Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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