your thong is hanging out like whoa
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
