my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
our cab driver is having phone sex.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize