guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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