Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
