I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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