Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
