Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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