The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize