And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
