Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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