i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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