We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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