Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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