I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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