I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
