Can i not drive my cunt home
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize