What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
