lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
