No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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