Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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