I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize