it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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