My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
