I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
