just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
