Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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