Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
