Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
