She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
