I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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