i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Do vagina's smell?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
