YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize