I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
