I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
