Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
