By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
