I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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