I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
