i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
