i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You ruined the universe
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
