Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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