I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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