My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
