New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
