Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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