he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
