I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
