so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize