I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
