i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
