We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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