porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
