Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
