Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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