That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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