you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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