I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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