Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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