That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
