all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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