had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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